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Young people

This section of the site is for young people like you, who know exactly what it is like to have someone important to them die.

What is grief?

Grief is not a disease or a sign of weakness. It is all those powerful and mixed-up feelings you have when someone you care about dies. Everyone grieves differently and there is no time-table for how long your particular grief will last. Grief affects how you feel and how you behave, but however much it hurts you will eventually feel better.

In the beginning …

“I didn’t enjoy myself for ages.”
“I didn’t know what to do …”
“I felt something special in my life was missing.”
“I couldn’t cry.”
“I felt so lonely.”
“I felt so scared.”

It’s OK if you feel …

  • sad
  • helpless
  • lonely
  • numb
  • anxious
  • tired
  • awkward
  • different
  • confused
  • relieved
  • guilty
  • cold
  • angry
  • shaky …

and it’s OK if you don’t.

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How you might behave

You might …

  • cry a lot or not at all
  • want to “go wild” to block out the pain
  • have angry outbursts
  • want to be on your own
  • be forgetful and disorganised
  • not want to go to school
  • have problems eating or sleeping

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What might happen

You might …

  • not want to go out and have fun
  • not be able to concentrate at school
  • be fed up and angry with everyone
  • have headaches or feel sick or unwell
  • have friends who skirt around you

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Moving on

Feeling better may take longer than you think but you will gradually have more good days than bad. You will never forget the person who died but will carry your memories of them wherever you are. Grief may change you but it won’t destroy you.

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As time goes by

“The prickles round your heart get less sharp.”
“Every anniversary hurts but as time goes by they hurt less.”
“It feels OK to have fun.”
“You begin to look forward while remembering the past too.”
“It might feel like the end of the world but trust me it isn’t.”

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What can help?

  • Talking – to anyone you feel comfortable with
  • Writing poetry or letters or a diary
  • Having a good cry
  • Exercising
  • Treating yourself
  • Listening to music or reading
  • Joining a group
  • Having fun with friends
  • Beating a cushion and shouting
  • Books and the web

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Who can help?

  • SeeSaw if you’re in Oxfordshire – phone 01865 744768
  • Friends and family
  • Your doctor
  • Youth services
  • Teachers
  • School health nurse
  • Minister of your faith

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Helpful websites

  • Winston’s Wish: Activities, other people’s stories, chatroom and games
  • Child Bereavement Charity: Some questions answered, and ideas of books and DVDs that could help
  • RD4U: designed for and by young people to help when someone close to you dies
  • Child Bereavement Network: suggestions from other young people about what helped them
  • Riprap: a site to help 12-16 year-olds cope if a parent has cancer
  • ChildLine: 24/7 helpline, plus other helpful advice
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